


Safe Space

by JinxQuickfoot



Series: Whumptoberverse [12]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon Disabled Character, Day 12, Gen, Hurt James "Rhodey" Rhodes, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, James "Rhodey" Rhodes Needs a Hug, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Protective James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Steve Rogers Feels, Whump, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:01:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27394654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinxQuickfoot/pseuds/JinxQuickfoot
Summary: “We need to have a talk.”Steve stepped forward. “You and Tony can talk after we - ” Steve broke off when he noted that Rhodey’s words weren’t aimed at Tony. They were aimed at Steve.----------------------------------------------------------------------------There's an intruder in the Compound, the Avengers finally find out what Tony has been hiding on his server, and Rhodey is definitely not ok.
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Steve Rogers, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark
Series: Whumptoberverse [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1921831
Comments: 71
Kudos: 156
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	Safe Space

**Author's Note:**

> Whumptober 2020 Day 12 
> 
> Prompts: Broken Down, Broken Trust
> 
> Relationship: Rhodey & Steve
> 
> Occurs in the same timeline as the other fics in the Whumptoberverse. As always, trying to be neutral on the Accords. This series isn’t about who made the right decisions, but why they made them, and how they’re living with them.

Rhodey just wanted one good day.

Not that they were all _bad_ days, per se. Just long. And repetitive. And without nearly enough of Tony, or sometimes too much of Tony, and never being able to find the balance.

Days recently had been tipping towards the not enough of Tony side of things. His long time best friend had been retreating more and more into his workshop, where he didn’t have to deal with S.I. or Accords Committee business, but at least Rhodey had known that Peter had been down there with him.

That was no longer the case.

Rhodey was always tempted to haul Tony out by the goatee and force him to socialize, if not with the rest of the Avengers, then at least with him, but he also respected what Tony’s workshop was. Even after the incidents with Peter’s kidnapping and Aceso reenacting his arc reactor surgery, the workshop was Tony’s haven. It was where he went where he knew he could be alone, undisturbed, surrounded only by his bots and his designs and things he knew he could control. And as frustrating as it was, Rhodey wasn’t about to disturb one of the only places his friend could find peace these days.

And now that place was under attack.

It had been so close to being a good day as well. Rhodey had been told the news that morning, and was in the middle of telling the first - and only person - he was going to over the phone, when the Compound was filled with the sound of the workshop’s intruder alarm.

Rhodey had been on his way to the workshop anyway, phone tucked against his shoulder and a tupperware of sandwiches under his arm. If he couldn’t make Tony socialize, at least he could try and make him eat something that wasn't microwaved in a packet.

“Sorry, emergency,” Rhodey said into the phone as he barrelled into the lab, Sam finding his way there a couple of seconds later.

The tinny voice replied, muffled by Rhodey’s shoulder. _“Is everything ok, hun?”_

Rhodey froze, coming face to face with the intruder, then raised the phone back to his ear. “Yeah, everything’s fine. Call you back, ok?” Then he hung up, raising an eyebrow at a very guilty looking Peter Parker, who was currently elbows deep in one of Tony’s computers.

Sam stepped up beside Rhodey, panting, lowering the weapon he had snatched up on the way into the lab - some kind of welding iron. He dropped it with a sigh. “This better have been worth running up two flights of stairs, Parker.”

Rhodey shot him smirk, abandoning the sandwiches as he tucked the phone back into his pocket. “Maybe you should stop skipping those morning runs with Cap.”

“You try waking at 5 am every morning to that _seize the day_ attitude. No one should be that much of a morning person. Also, was that a _lady friend_ I heard on the phone, Rhodes? ”

“If you’re using the term ‘lady friend’, then definitely not.” Rhodey turned back to the problem at hand. “What are you doing here, Peter?”

Peter’s eyes were darting between the two of them. “The usual. Spider-Man suit schematics, you know.” He tried to shut down the window he’d been looking at, but it remained open. “You can close that now, F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

_“Security protocols dictate that I inform Boss what was being viewed without his consent.”_

“What’s being viewed without Stark’s consent?” Rhodey would have jumped if he wasn’t used to Natasha Romanoff appearing out of nowhere beside him. Well, almost used to it. She continued to the screen.

Peter tried to block her way. “I told you, Spider-Man -”

She cut him off with an arched eyebrow, not slowing. “You do know who you’re trying to lie to, right”

“I…” Peter’s eyes were darting between the three of them, panic growing. “I just…it’s Tony’s stuff. It’s private.”

“Then why were you trying to look at it?” Rhodey pressed.

“Please tell me it’s embarrassing photographs,” Sam added. “Bad yearbook pictures. The baby spider’s awkward first high school dance.” 

Heavy footsteps behind him indicated that Steve had arrived on the scene, having apparently sprinted here from the gym, judging by the attire. Bruce was close on his heels, looking as he always did these days; pale and peaky and like he hadn’t slept in a year.

“What’s going on?” Steve demanded. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. sounded the alarm. Is it more of those enhanced?”

“It’s _an_ enhanced,” Sam answered, indicating a now beet-red Peter.

“This is really unnecessary,” Peter was protesting, as Steve approached, a wary Bruce trailing behind him. “Look, I’m sorry I triggered the alarm but it’s not really an intruder, it’s just me, so you can all…go now.”

Natasha was staring at the screen. “You said _this_ was on Tony’s server?”

Rhodey followed her, heart going cold when he saw what Natasha was looking at. Because that couldn’t be there. Tony had said, had _promised_ , that he had deleted all of it weeks ago.

But it was there. All of it.

The betrayal cut deep. Not that Rhodey wasn’t used to Tony skipping certain truths from time to time, especially if it was something he thought he could handle himself, even if that thing was palladium poisoning. (Rhodey had never quite taken his eyes off Tony after that, until he was living with five other friends who would catch the genius doing anything that un-genius like again).

But this? They had talked about it. Extensively. Rhodey knew Tony’s reasons for keeping the Winter Soldier files around, sympathized with them, but Tony had agreed they had been too dangerous to keep. He had agreed to erase all of them, and their backups, and their backups’ backups.

He hadn’t.

_Because I love you and because I trust you._

Those had been the words Rhodey had offered at Tony’s bedside, knowing they were the ones he had needed to hear. And he had meant them.

_Because I trust you._

He had meant them at the time, at least.

Peter followed Natasha's gaze, his own eyes huge. “I’m sure Tony had a reason for keeping…that stuff.”

“Yes, Tony generally does have reasons for things, even if no one ever listens to said reasons.”

They all turned to see the named genius in the doorway. His arms were folded, glasses on in a pose chosen to convey just the correct amount of annoyance and nonchalance, but Rhodey saw right through it. Every muscle in his best friend’s body was screaming tension, throwing up a shield around himself. His eyes were tracking each of them, wary and confused. He shifted his weight when he saw Peter, Natasha and Steve by the server, as though fighting the urge to take a step back.

“Tony,” Steve said, his voice low as he took in the screen, Bruce shuffling closer to take in the full picture. “Why do you have this?”

Tony looked like he was fighting every impulse to run from the room. Instead, he took a step inside, then another, willing himself to walk towards the group. “Why are you looking at my server, is a better question?”

The last words were aimed mostly at Peter, who squirmed under Tony’s hard gaze. “I just…I was looking for…”

“Don’t lie.” The words came out harsh, but Rhodey knew from experience that their tone was caused by barely contained panic, not anger.

Sam had circled around as well, taking in what Peter had unearthed on the server. “Jesus. Is _this_ what Aceso was after?”

The words seemed to confirm Tony’s worst fears. Rhodey stepped up beside him, aligning himself so he was by Tony’s side and not a part of the mob forming inside his workshop, despite the still-fresh sting of betrayal. Natasha seemed to pick up on the formation as well, because she pushed herself away from the server, circling into neutral territory between them.

“How long have you had this?” Steve demanded. “Where did you even _get_ this?”

“That’s none of your red, white and blue business, Rogers.”

“You can’t be serious.” Steve pointed to the screen. “How is this not my business? All of our business? Dammit, Tony.” He stepped back, frustration rolling off him in waves. “Every time I think you get it -”

“Get _what?”_

“- you go and do something like this.” Steve caught up to Tony’s question. “Do something you think is right without taking the rest of the team into consideration.”

Tony let out a hollow laugh. “Yes, we wouldn’t want to do the right thing without considering the whole team, would we, _Cap?”_

Steve ignored that, gesturing to the server. “This is unbelievably dangerous. What the hell were you thinking?”

Only decades of friendship with Tony showed Rhodey that the words were a slap in the face. Otherwise, he seemed unmoved, clapping his hands together. “I see, as usual, I’m going to be outvoted. F.R.I.D.A.Y.? Delete all files on the Winter Soldier.”

Rhodey saw Steve’s jaw tick at the name.

_“Are you sure, Boss?”_

“Dead sure. Backups too. Code Loki - wipe it out, don’t let it come back. There.” He stared Steve down. “Problem solved.”

It was like someone had taken a wrench to the tension in the room, tightening it several notches. Rhodey caught Sam’s eye, sharing the _Let’s not let them get out of hand,_ look. Natasha must have felt the same way, because she cleared her throat, stepping forward. “Ok, boys. Everyone take a breath before someone hurts themselves.”

Peter was still squirming by the dash, shooting guilty looks at Tony. “I didn’t mean to -”

“Peter, I need a hand with something. In a different room,” Bruce said, guiding a hand to the back of Peter’s shoulder, steering him to the door. The excuse was as clumsy as they came, but no one stopped Bruce from ushering a still mortified Peter out the door. Tony half-watched them leave, unsure if he was losing allies or enemies as Steve turned on him.

“You had _everything_ ,” Steve stated. “The chair, the arm, the code words...what if Aceso had gotten her hands on those?”

“Well, she didn’t, did she?”

“We don't know what she was planing. She could have sold it, put the information back out in the world, or used it on Bucky or -”

“Where did you get it?” Natasha interrupted, trying to keep some semblance of peace. “And can anyone else get their hands on this information the same way?”

Tony looked like she was going to brush her off, but then Natasha gave him _that_ look, and he relented. “I pieced it together, who cares?”

Steve was still trying to keep back his frustration, shaking off the hand Sam laid on his arm.

Rhodey decided it was time to intervene. “Ok, everyone, let’s take a breath. Tony - why don’t you explain, and we’ll listen?”

Tony sidestepped him, not taking his eyes off Steve. “I’m the only one in the world who has this information and it’s in the most encrypted place it could possibly be.”

“Then how did Aceso know about it?” Steve retorted.

“What does it matter? She’s dead.”

“And what if there are others? Other people who want that information?”

Tony shook his hand at the server. “Then it’s gone!”

“That doesn’t…” Steve broke off, frustration morphing into anger. “Do you have anything else like this?”

“Like what?”

“Information that’s dangerous to this team, that you’re keeping from this team.”

"Dangerous to this team, or to your old Commando buddy downstairs? Because we both know which one is your real concern.”

"So you admit you knew it was dangerous."

Tony glared at him. "Look around you, Rogers. I build _weapons._ You think I don't take care of every bit of information that goes on that server? You think I'd let it get that far?"

“It wouldn’t be the first time.”

Tony’s eyes narrowed. “What, like keeping Ultron from you? Or how about, I don’t know, a Hydra resurgence building new Winter Soldiers? Does that sound like something worth sharing with the whole class? Oh, wait. No, I very strongly recall that it didn’t.”

Steve wasn’t backing down. “Don’t change the subject. This was reckless, and it was stupid. You have to see that."

“It’s a triple encrypted server, Rogers. Encrypted by _me._ No one else was getting through.

“They were _trying,_ ” Steve insisted. “And when they couldn’t break-in, they tried to get you to let them in. Through Bruce; through Peter. They got hurt because you kept this information!”

The fight went out of Tony’s shoulders as quickly as if the words had been a blow to the chest, and Rhodey decided that it was time to shut this down.

“Ok.” Rhodey stepped into the middle of the argument, hand outstretched to either side, shooting a look to both Sam and Natasha as he did so; a silent call for backup. “Everyone take a breath.”

He forced himself to take his own advice. Tony had kept the files. He’d kept them and not told Rhodey. After everything Rhodey had done for -

Nope. No. He wasn’t thinking like that. That wasn’t fair.

Tony was watching him, cautious, and even the glasses couldn’t hide the aura of guilt, even behind the curtain of feigned arrogance. Every so often his eyes would glance to the door, to the others, clearly feeling cornered, arms folded protectively across his chest.

“We need to have a talk.”

Steve stepped forward. “You and Tony can talk after we - ” Steve broke off when he noted that Rhodey’s words weren’t aimed at Tony. They were aimed at Steve.

“Everyone else out,” Rhodey ordered. “You too,” he prompted, when Tony protested.

“May I remind you that this is my workshop?”

“You may not. Out.”

Tony gave Natasha and Sam a headstart, shooting wary looks between Steve and Rhodey.

“Leave,” Rhodey told him. “I’ll come find you after.”

It wasn’t a request, and Tony’s head bowed like a kicked dog as he ducked out of the workshop, leaving Rhodey and Steve alone.

Steve was almost as wary as Tony had been. “If you’re going to defend Tony, I get it. But you have to admit that this was reckless, and I need to make sure this information hasn’t been leaked anywhere else.”

“I’m sure Natasha jumped on that before she even left the room.”

“I still need to -”

“Is now a good time to remind you that I outrank you, Captain?”

Steve smiled, but it was bitter. “That title is ornamental these days. The military isn’t a big fan of having fugitives in their ranks.”

“Pardoned fugitive.”

“So they tell me.”

"And I’m not here to defend what Tony did; it was reckless, and he lied to me about it, and I will be having strong words about it to him later.”

Steve’s confusion deepened. “Those words should come from me,” he said; stating, not arguing. “Ornamental title or not, I’m still team leader. I’m still meant to be the one protecting us, even from ourselves. He can’t _do_ this kind of thing; no one on the team can.”

“No, they can’t. And you’re right to call him out on it.”

“Then why -”

“But the time and place to do it isn’t in his workshop, one of the last places in this Compound he feels safe, and not in front of an audience, especially when that audience includes Peter.”

Steve flushed a little as the words hit home, the Captain America stance draining out of him. “Right.” Then, “You’re right. I'm sorry. But it’s…” He gestured to the screen that Peter had been looking at.

“It’s Bucky,” Rhodey finished for him.

“I…yeah.”

“I get it.” He did, ever since he’d been paired up with an awkward, arrogant, underage roommate at MIT. 

“Why would he keep that stuff around?” Steve asked. “Even after what happened to Peter? What use could he possibly have for it?”

“You really don’t see why he kept it.”

“I -” Steve looked completely lost now. “No.”

“Sit.” Rhodey pointed to one of the stools scattered around the workshop.

“I’d rather stand.”

“Fine, but I need to sit, it would make me feel less weird about it if you did too.” Rhodey eased himself onto one of the stools, sighing with relief as the weight of the braces was taken off his waist and shoulders. They were still a minor miracle on Tony’s part, as was everything the genius set his mind to, but they had their limits. Many, many limits.

Realization dawning on him, Steve quickly sat as well, trying and failing to hide the flash of guilt as he did so. Rhodey still caught it on the super-soldier's face whenever he thought Rhodey wasn’t looking, even though they had had that talk - the same talk Rhodey had had with Tony. There had been a fight. An accident had happened. It could have been worse. And in Rhodey’s book, that’s all there was. 

Or at least he told himself that was the case. And he knew if he reminded himself constantly enough, over time, he would truly believe it.

It didn’t mean that there weren't moments, sometimes whole days, where the aches and pains were particularly bad, or a task that used to take him a minute took him an hour, or when he woke up in a cold sweat from nightmares of falling from the sky. Moments when he resented every decision made by every person that had put him here.

In those moments he would begin the mantra again. There had been a fight. An accident had happened. It could have been worse. That’s all there was.

After the initial waking up and not being able to feel his legs, Rhodey had come to terms with the injury fairly quickly. Or at least, he thought he had. He had taken the rehab and the therapy and Tony’s braces in stride. It was fine. He was a soldier, he fought a good fight, he got injured. It happened.

Then Aceso had given him hope, only to have it ripped away again.

The day after her death, Rhodey had almost gotten through a one-hour morning routine, that used to take him ten minutes, when it hit him. He was about to leave his quarters, washed and dressed and braces secured, when he noticed that his shoelace was undone.

He had stared at it for five minutes, brain trying to compute the situation, trying to rationalize it. It wasn’t that big of a deal. He just needed to take the braces off, tie his shoe, and then put the braces back on. He’d run late to the Accords Committee meeting, but he’d always left extra time in his schedule even before his fall, and it wouldn’t be a disaster. They would understand.

Rhodey had gotten through the Accords, and their aftermath, and the rough talk with Tony when he had divulged the events of Siberia, and he’d handled it. All of it. Now he just had to tie his shoe.

It struck him before he could see the blow coming. One moment, he was staring at the traitorous piece of material, and the next he was sobbing into his hands.

It was so unfair. He hated that thought the moment he had it, but it was. No one else had paid this kind of price. No one else had to live with this, _forever._

After about ten minutes, F.R.I.D.A.Y. had tentatively asked if she could get anyone for him, and Rhodey had vehemently told her no. He didn’t want anyone on the team to see him like this. He needed them, all of them, and especially Tony, to think that he was coping. The tensions between them were too fraught to add more fuel to the fire.

F.R.I.D.A.Y. hadn’t given up, offering Pepper or Happy instead, but Rhodey shot them down too. Happy would undoubtedly tell Tony, which wasn’t an option, and between S.I. and the Committee and handling the press, Pepper didn’t need another burden on her plate.

In the end, all Rhodey asked F.R.I.D.A.Y. to do was to make his excuses to the Committee, and he had then cried himself out in his room alone.

“I’m not going to deny that Tony screwed up here,” Rhodey said quietly. “Or that he hasn’t in the past. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t call him out on it - you should. But how you do it is important. Ok?”

Steve sighed. “And what is the right way to do it? He won’t stay in the same room alone with me for a second longer than he has to. I can see him touching his chest every time I’m anywhere near him. And I want us to be ok again, I do, but I also can’t let him off the hook to do whatever he wants. We’re a team, and just because I’m no longer his friend doesn’t mean I’m not still his…captain.” Steve grimaced at the last word. “I can’t do this if my team isn’t unified. And I don’t blame Tony for that. I know he’s still angry about Siberia.”

Rhodey didn’t deny it.

“And he has every right to be,” Steve added. “He was hurt, and I left him on his own and he got caught by Zemo and...”

Rhodey surveyed him. “That’s not why he’s angry at you.”

Steve nodded. “The Accords.”

“Partly.”

“And Bucky,” Steve finished quietly. “I know he doesn’t want him here, and that he didn’t have much of a choice. I know he’s mad about that.”

“Steve,” Rhodey said, his voice level. “He’s not angry about Barnes coming to live here. I’m not saying he’s thrilled about it, but that’s not what’s he’s mad about. None of that is what he’s really mad about.”

Steve gave him a sad smile. “I never really did manage to read what was going in Tony’s head. Not like you seem to.”

_Apparently not anymore._ “Years of practice. And patience.” Rhodey shifted on the stool. “Look, if he really wants to tell you what’s going on, that’s up to him. But don’t be surprised if he doesn’t.”

Steve sighed. “I still need to talk to him about keeping these files from us. But I hear you,” he added quickly. “Not in the workshop. And not in front of anyone else. Maybe…” He peered up at Rhodey hopefully. “Maybe you could be there? He listens to you.”

_I wouldn’t be so sure._ “We need to have a different conversation of our own first. One that definitely does not need an audience.”

Steve picked up on the subtext. “He didn’t tell you he kept it either.”

Rhodey didn’t confirm or deny it. “It’s not an attack on you, or Barnes, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Of course not.”

“He’s safeguarding himself.”

Steve looked over to the screen where the Winter Soldier files had been displayed. “Against what? The Hydra programming is gone. Shuri did every possible test. He does know that, right?”

“There’s a difference between knowing the logic of something, and really knowing it. Does that make sense?”

Steve didn’t back down. “Like logically the Accords making sense. And really knowing that they don’t.”

“You know I’ll always disagree with you on that.” Rhodey’s voice was even, not intending to start an argument, just stating a fact. “Can I ask you a question?”

Steve grew wary. “You can ask, sure.”

“You and Tony. Is that purely wanting more unity in the team, or do you really want to fix what happened?”

“I do want us to be friends again,” Steve admitted, earnest. “I know that’s probably not on the table but…” He sighed, returning to the discussion at hand. “But that doesn’t mean I can just step aside if he does something like this that is going to impact the team. You know that, right?”

“I do. And that’s a tough position to be in,” Rhodey confirmed. Steve had already said he got it, but Rhodey needed to make sure he understood. “But if it comes up again- which, look, it probably will - the workshop is off-limits. This is Tony’s space, and he’s already had it invaded enough.”

“Ok. Understood.” Steve made to rise.

“We’re not finished.”

Steve hesitated, clearly not used to being given orders, but also not wanting to cause conflict.

“How are you?”

The words took Steve completely off guard, warranting the automatic “I’m fine” response before Rhodey was sure he’d even heard the question.

“You’re not fine. I know you think you’re hiding it, but you’re not. In fact, I can’t believe you’ve beaten me at cards every time with the poker face you’ve been pulling lately.”

The joke broke some of the ice, Steve settling back onto the stool. “I don’t think anyone in this Compound is fine at the moment.” He leveled the last sentence at Rhodey, who ducked it.

“We’re talking about you right now. And I know you have Sam and Barnes is back, but I also know…I can understand needing to feel like you have to shoulder burdens alone. And I just want to make sure that you know that’s not the case.”

Steve shifted, uncomfortable, so Rhodey pressed on.

“I know you and I haven’t always seen eye-to-eye on a lot of things, and I’m always going to have Tony’s back no matter what, but I’ve always respected you, Steve. Even if I don’t respect all your choices.”

“Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn’t.”

Rhodey waited patiently, knowing from experience with a certain former MIT roommate that sometimes all that is needed for conversation is leaving a gap for it to happen.

“I just…” Steve scooted back on the stool so he was leaning forward, staring at clasped hands. “Can I be honest?”

“Sure. There hasn’t been enough of that lately.”

Steve nodded. “I know.” There was another long pause, and then Steve finally said, “I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.”

“Do any of us?”

“Maybe not. But I’m meant to. I’m always meant to know. It’s something I’ve always been jealous of Tony for. Even if I don’t agree with his destination, at least he knows where he’s going. I’m just taking punches as they come. I’ve been taking them my whole life, and lately…” He tightened his hands. “All I’ve ever wanted is to do the right thing. I just have no idea what the hell that is anymore.”

Rhodey nodded, not responding, seeing if the silence would bring out anything else.

It did. “I’m sorry about what happened with Tony,” Steve said, his voice low. “I am. But at the same time, if you offered me the same set of circumstances all over again…I’m not sure I’d do anything differently.” His eyes caught on Rhodey’s braces. “Well, some things I’d do differently. The details. But overall, if it came down to the Accords, or Bucky…I’d choose Bucky.”

“That doesn’t make you a bad person, Steve.”

“No. But it does make me a bad captain, when this team needs a leader more than ever. I’m just not sure I’m it, anymore. Or that I ever was.”

“You’re selling yourself a bit short there, Cap.”

Steve winced at the nickname. “I’ve been thinking…for a while now. Since Siberia. And a little bit before then. Maybe it’s time for me to step aside.”

Rhodey tried to hide how much that took him by surprise, weighing Steve’s words. “Because of the Accords?”

“This team needs a leader that’s certain. Which I used to be.” Steve offered him a wry smile. “A lot easier to be sure you’re on the right side when you’re fighting Nazis.” _Instead of friends._

“And you’ve been feeling this way since Siberia?” Steve hesitated, and Rhodey sensed he’d pushed too far, and backed off. “That’s fine. You don’t have to tell me.”

“I just want what’s best for the team. And I’m not sure I’m it.”

“Then who is?”

Steve’s eyes stayed on him, and it took a few moments for Rhodey to catch up to what he was implying.

_“_ Yeah, alright, very funny.”

“I’ve been thinking about it,” Steve admitted, remaining serious. “You have more military experience than any of the rest of us, you don’t let personal grievances get in the way, you make rational decisions - ”

"I’m going to cut you off there. No thanks.”

“You’d be good at it. Not to mention, the Accords Committee would probably be much happier with someone more closely aligned with them in charge. I don’t agree with the Accords, and I don’t think I ever will, no matter how many amendments we make to them. But it’s clear that they’re here to stay, and at least I know you’d make the best of them.”

Rhodey shook his head. “Blue was never my color - there’s a reason the Iron Patriot didn’t stick. And, if we’re being honest here, I also just don’t want to. I don’t envy the burden that’s on those star-spangled shoulders.”

Steve wasn’t giving up. “You don’t want to think it over?”

“Don’t need to. There was a reason I didn’t join the Avengers with Tony the first time around.”

“Too much drama?”

“I’ve been best friends with Tony Stark since college. I’m inoculated to drama. No, it was because I have a _life._ And I love being on this team, and Tony, and all of you, but I do know this,” he gestured to Steve “doesn’t leave a lot of time for anything else. Look at Tony and Pepper. It’s not a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

Steve exhaled slowly. “Well, it was worth a try. To be honest, I don’t even know what I’d do if I did hang up the shield.”

“What would you want to do?”

Steve shrugged. “Spend time with Bucky, mostly. Help him through the rest of the transition back from Hydra.”

“And what do you want to do for _you?”_

For a moment, Rhodey was sure Steve wasn’t going to answer. Then to his surprise, Steve said, “Travel. I know I have already, a lot, for missions, but…”

“But that doesn’t count.”

“Do you know I’m a hundred years old and I’ve never seen the Grand Canyon?” Steve shifted in his seat again, the ghost of a smile on his lips. “I could, I don’t know, just grab a motorbike and…go. Not forever. Just for a while.”

“On your own?”

“I’d love to take Bucky, if he’d come, but I don’t think he would. Not yet.”

“Anyone else?” Rhodey was rewarded for asking by seeing Captain America turn schoolgirl pink, which was all the answer he needed. “Rogers. Do not tell me there’s a _girl_.”

“No,” Steve said quickly - too quickly. “I mean, yes. Maybe. But…”

“But you don’t have time for that.”

“It doesn’t seem like the opportune moment, no.”

“No time like the present, and all that. Steve?”

Steve looked up from where he was staring at his hands.

“For the record, you hanging up the shield? It wouldn’t be what’s best for this team, if that's why you're thinking of doing it. But if it's what’s best for _you?_ That’s ok. You’re allowed to have a life.” Seeing that Steve didn’t have an answer, Rhodey stood back up, giving Steve permission to do the same without being rude.

“I still have to go talk to Tony.”

“Maybe let me handle that one.”

Steve shook his head. “No. He kept information on the Winter Soldier without our knowledge - information he knew dangerous people were after. That’s a team leader discussion.”

“Yeah, well, he lied to me about deleting it, and that’s a best friend discussion. And I’ve known him longer, so I get dibs.” Rhodey headed for the door, but Steve stopped him.

“Rhodey? Are _you_ ok?”

Rhodey paused, recalling the hours per week of rehab, of therapy, of nightmares about falling from the skies. Of crying over untied shoelaces.

“Because if you ever needed someone to talk to…I know I’m probably not your first choice, but I want you to know that it’s there. If you want it.”

“That’s nice of you.” Rhodey made himself smile, feigning casual. “But I’m ok.”

Rhodey stopped off by one of the Compound balconies before he went to find Tony, sending his friend a text that they were going to have a not so fun conversation, but Tony would get to choose the location where it happened. After that message was sent, he called the number he had hung up on when Peter had triggered the intruder alarm. “Hey, sorry. Work emergency”

_“They work you too hard up there. When are you coming home to visit me?”_

Rhodey looked back the building, sighing. “Probably not for a while. They need me here.”

_“As long as you’re looking after yourself as well. Don’t let those white boys wear you down with all their problems.”_

Rhodey smiled. “I won’t, Mom. And I’ll see you at the ceremony in a couple of weeks.”

_“Are you sure you don’t want to invite your friends? I promise I won’t embarrass you.”_

“Last time I brought Tony home you spend two hours taking him through my childhood photo albums. Again.”

_“You’re not even going to invite Tony? It’s the Medal of Honor, James. It’s a huge deal, I’m sure he’d want to share it with you.”_

“I’m sure he would too. It’s me who doesn’t want to share, ok?” Rhodey leaned against the balcony railing. “This year has been…not the best. And if I invite Tony it will become about him, and if I invite any of the others, it’ll become about the Accords. They won’t mean to, but it will. I want something that’s just mine.”

_“Ok, well, if you change your mind, I always have your high school yearbooks.”_

“Mom!”

_“I love you, James.”_

“Love you too. See you in a couple of weeks.”

_“Take care of yourself, you hear me?”_

Rhodey hung up, overlooking the Compound grounds. A gardener was making his way across the lawns, filling the air with scents of freshly cut grass. His phone was flashing at him, showing three unread messages from Tony. Rhodey inhaled, putting his phone away. It could wait.

He could take this moment, right now, just for himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. It's my birthday :)
> 
> The Whumptoberverse will continue in [Hair is Everything](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27409408)


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